Sugar Cubes

1. Act out your version of a company takeover.

Tried the kitchen, all cupboards were closed!

2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to “chrysanthemum”.

Only if somebody spelled that for me over the phone.

3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.

Maybe tomorrow I will

4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion.

I scare him already, no need to give him a good reason for that.

5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out “what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art”.

ummm we don’t have paintings, can I glue personal mails on each employee’s table? it would be fun to watch them trying to open letters without carrying them, with one hand, hopefully tearing what’s inside the envelope…especially letters sent to their spouses.

6. Go into the other gender’s bathroom without fear of being caught.

I thought of that today, but the thought scared the hell out of me.

7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.

Security are boring.

8. Leave prank messages on the CEO’s voice mail.

My telephone number will appear, bad idea.

9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.

No thanks, that would be a nightmare with employees like me.

10. Elevator surfing!

We don’t have one, luckily may I add. I dislike elevators.

*SOCIALISM:*
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

*COMMUNISM:*
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

*FASCISM:*
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

*NAZISM:*
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

*BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away…

*TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:*
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

*AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

*A FRENCH CORPORATION:*
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

*A JAPANESE CORPORATION: *
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

*A GERMAN CORPORATION:*
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

*AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:*
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

*A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

*A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

*A CHINESE CORPORATION:*
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

*AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

*A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

*AN EGYPTIAN CORPORATION:*
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mubarak!

*A PALESTINIAN CORPORATION:*
You have two cows. You would:

1. Hire a 10 floors building,
2. Buy 50 new 4-wheels,
3. Employ: A new Minister every 3 months, 20 General Directors, 15 Directors grade-C, 10 Secretaries grade-C, & 5 emplyees to milk them.
4. Stay in a 5-stars hotel to observe and plan for the future of those cows and emlpyees.
5. Invite yourself & your employees to a “workshop” in a 5-stars hotel to taste the milk.
6. Give some milk to your relatives,
7. Give some milk to people in your political party,
8. Sell some milk to poor people,
9. & finally, you keep the big proportion of milk for yourself & open a new business for yourself & your sons!!

That was a forward I received. I didn’t get the palestinian corporation part though.

1-If you are sitting next to a man with his legs sticking wide apart, don’t be tempted to ask him if he is about to give birth, and don’t tap him on the arm and say “Push, push”.

2- If you do have to travel in a carriage late at night by yourself sit in the very front one and at the seat next to the driver’s door. Be ready to bang sharply on it if anyone dodgy gets on and starts hassling you.

3. Don’t expect any man to stand up for you if you are looking a bit tired or frazzled. The only way to get a seat in those cases is to pretend you are about to throw up. The carriage will clear like lightening.

Via London Underground Tube Diary

Tags: Women, Tube, funny

Bush’s advisor steps up beside him in the oval office: “Mr. president, we’ve
just had word from Iraq, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today”

The president’s jaw drops, he puts his head in his hands and silence fills the
room. “My god! How many is three brazillion?”

Tags: Bush, Iraq, politics, funny

Thursday, 06 October 2005

A man got more than he bargained for when he was beaten up by the husband of a woman he propositioned before being arrested, witnesses said.

The Pakistani man approached the Filipino woman in the public park in Deira and asked, “How much?” according to an eye witness. The woman, who was with her family at the time, slapped the man in the face, who hit her back.

The woman’s husband then arrived and attacked the man, detaining him until police arrived. “The man asked my madam how much is the rate,” the husband said. “It is quite embarrassing because not all ladies who come to the area are bad.”

Source

lol that was funny! I don’t know whose fault is this.

Tags: Dubai, UAE

10) Fashion primitive tools and weapons out of office supplies. They may think you’re crazy now, but when the Apocalypse comes and you’re the only one prepared…well, let’s just say they won’t be the ones snacking on your brain later *nudge nudge wink wink*.

9) Update your Web site. It actually looks like you’re doing work anyway, so why waste your time doing something pertinent to your job?

8) Play video games. Right in front of the boss. Tell him you’re doing an aggression study with the guys down in accounting that will play an integral part in the development of the company.

7) Sleep. Nothing says work like being unconscious. And nothing says “I’d rather be unconscious” better than being at work.

6) Throw forks or knives or just a big ball of foil into the microwave, turn it on, and just walk away. Hey, if anything, the office will get a new microwave that doesn’t reak of popcorn or two-year-old tomato sauce.

5) Write love letters to co-workers, but don’t sign them. Then just leave them around the office and watch the confusion spread and the sparks fly! Will we have a love connection? Let’s watch!

4) Get drunk. If it doesn’t make the time go faster, at least you’ll have some kickass story about your last day on the job when you ended up fighting the file cabinet because you thought it was hitting on the secretary.

3) Start calling people by random, odd names. People may finally leave you alone if you start calling them Mr. Picklesworth or Typhoid Mary. Try calling the boss something like Captain Embezzler or Little Joey Bear.

2) Watch people while they eat. Intently. You’re sure to make more friends than Johnny Anti-social.

1) Make your cubicle or work space into a fort. This way, work will be an adventure every day! Oh, and bring a sword. It’s not a fort without a sword!